In Somnus Nos Memor
by LoveWithoutLimits
Summary: I don't want to go to sleep." "Why?" "I'm afraid I won't wake up." Slash, Kirk/McCoy. Request for Stand December on Lj
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer : I do not own Star Trek, nor do i make anything from this. **

**Warnings : Slash, Kirk/McCoy, nothing else i can think of.**

**Notes : Not beta's, please forgive the mistakes, will get it done. **

**Notes2 : Was done as a request for Stand_December on Livejournal, girl is epic :)  
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It should of stopped being a surprise months ago when the medical alert was called in for an away team. Bones should not of felt the lump in his throat or the mantra of "not Jim, please not Jim" in his head every time he rushed down to the transporter room. For when was it ever not Jim, the fearless Captain, who had somehow managed to get himself into trouble? Granted, more often than not it was in some attempt to protect the rest of the crew but Bone's didn't think that changed the point. He had learned long ago to detach himself emotionally from Jim when it came to medical, it would not do for their feelings towards each to distract from duty. So when the small alarm rang through his office and the voice of the First Officer drifted over the communications Bone's knew almost immediately that it was their Captain that was the one in trouble and he quelled the uneasiness by instinct.

It was routine by now. Collect supplies. Go down to the transporter room. Assess and attend to injuries that couldn't wait to the journey to the med bay. Comment on how stupid and reckless Jim was and maybe an eye roll for good measure. Bones swore his whole body turned to ice the day he walked into the room and realized that this was far from routine.

Jim's body had never looked so weak and devoid of energy, his skin seeming to of suddenly sunk against his bones. His skin was pale, completely devoid of colour. The usual cocky, but pain filled smile, didn't come as Bone's approached him. It was only then that he realised that Jim wasn't even conscious. This alone sent alarm bells ringing in his head. Jim's head was uncharacteristically being cradled on Spock's lap as the second in command knelt near the Captain. A voice in the back of Bone's head told him that something major must have happened for this odd behaviour to be occurring.

"What happened?" He demanded, hands moving deftly and purposely as they scanned over Jim's body, categorising his injuries.

"The negotiations did not go as planned." Spock replied, his voice devoid of emotion as always.

"No shit." Bone's muttered, gently pulling back Jim's eyelids to look at his eyes. Unresponsive to light, full blown pupils. "What did they to do him?"

"It seems that the intel provided on the species was incomplete. For the council to agree to talk to the Captain he was required to go through a screening, the purpose of to decide what type of person he truly was." Spock recited, eyes following the Doctors movements calculatingly.

"Type of person?" Bones' frowned. "What does it matter?"

Bone's pressed his fingers to Jim's wrist, pulse much to slow and sluggish.

"In their own words, a man must be pure of heart and mind before he can be allowed to discuss with them. Something similar in theory to a mind meld was performed, presumably to explore the reality for themselves."

Bones cursed under his breath. "And he agreed to this!" Typical Jim, look before leaping.

"The Captain was adamant that he would do whatever required to complete the mission ."

Something told Bones that Spock had not agreed with Jim's course of action in the slightest. The nervousness in Bones' stomach seemed to increase as the information sunk in, the mere idea of someone invading Jim's mind infuriating to him.

"Then what?" Bones pressed through gritted teeth, scanning the area near Jim's skull to see just what exactly the encounter had done to him.

"The Captain collapsed immediately after the link was ceased and we were ordered to leave. They refused to have negotiations with us."

"What? Why?" Jim may be a lot of things but Bones' knew, he knew that Jim was a good person on the inside.

"They were not forthcoming with what they saw. The only information I could pertain from them was that the Captain was apparently too troubled in mind to be an acceptable candidate."

Bones' swore it was a bloody good thing he wasn't on the planet when this had happened or punches would have been thrown. The mere thought of someone making judgements about Jim was ridiculous and insulting. He knew, he was maybe one of the few who did, amount the trauma on Jim's past. The fact that these people had used that as an excuse to dispel him was sickening.

"Let's get him to medical bay _now_." Bones' ordered, anger barely held in check.

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Bones sighed wearily as he dragged a hand through his hair, beyond the point of caring what more of a mess that he made it. The machines around him beeped steadily, the buzz of equipment a small drone in the background. It had been six days since Jim had come back from the plant unconscious, he had yet to wake up. Every scan since that Bone's had run showed the same thing. His pulse was slow but regular, his brain however was erratic, his brain waves moving all over the place. If Bones had to guess he would say Jim was having a nightmare, but nightmares didn't last days on end. There was no medical to reason why Jim was still unconscious, he should of woken hours after being brought in. Still, every drug he had tried had failed to rouse the Captain.

"Jim." Bones said softly, hand reaching to lightly take one of Jim's in his own like he had done many times in the last few days. "You got to wake up okay, the ships going crazy without you. I'm going crazy without you."

Jim didn't stir, not that he really expected him to. Bones pressed his mouth gently to Jim's forehead before standing, taking a shuddering breath. Nearly every minute had been spent next to the man's bedside and he was forced to admit that he needed to get out of here for a while. He was no use to the man tired and exhausted. He needed a shower, something to eat and some sleep.

"I'll figure this out Jim, I promise."

Jim lay motionless as Bones walked sadly from the room.

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It took another three days for Jim to stir. There was no one beside his side as his eyes moved beneath his sockets, no one there as his brow furrowed and his fingers itched on the sheet underneath him. He awoke with a gasp, his breath rushing out of him in panic as his mind was flung back into consciousness. Jim's eyes darted around frantically, tears pooling down his cheeks as his chest tightened, his whole body feeling trapped and confined. There was no one there in the room as he gazed around, desperately trying to find someone, anyone.

"Bones." His voice croaked as he tried to speak, barely more than a breath of air. Jim hardly felt as his tears seemed to grow heavier, soundless sobs escaping him.

"Bones." He whispered again, growing more and more distraught as his voice failed him. Hands shaking he clawed at the wires attached to him, pulling them, barely even feeling the sting as tubes disconnected from his skin. His whole felt numb as he kicked at the covers, all but falling from the bed as he tried to get up, to get away. His whole frame shook as he forced himself to his feet, leaning against any surface he could find as he tried to reach the door.

Scrambling against one of the bio beds, he whimpered as he fell, legs locking underneath him as he collapsed to a heap on the floor.

"Bones, Bones, Bones." He chanted brokenly, wondering why no one was there to help him.

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Review please? More will be along soon :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer : I do not own Star Trek, nor do i make anything from this. **

**Warnings : Slash, Kirk/McCoy, nothing else i can think of.**

**Notes : Not beta's, please forgive the mistakes, will get it done. **

**Notes2 : Was done as a request for Stand_December on Livejournal, girl is epic :)**

**Notes3 : Is short because writers block sucks but a trying to get back into things, hopefully next one will be longer but this is the second story i've updated today so result (i think) lol  
**

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Bones growled in frustration as an alarm rang through his room, stirring him from the little sleep he was managing to get. It took his brain all of two seconds to catch up before he bolted up so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. His eyes darted to the computer screen linked into sickbay, the ones showing Jim's vitals. Vitals that were now non-existent. Bones whole body felt like it had been dropped into cold water, his breath catching as a reality he refused to admit settled in over him.

"Jim." He choked, diving from the bed and pulling on his uniform. He didn't care who he passed as he charged down the corridor, feet skidding as he all but burst through the sickbay doors. His blood rang in his ears as his eyes scanned the room, spotting first the empty bed he had left Jim in, second the crowd of Nurses at the other end of the room.

"Move!" He growled, pushing his way through them. What he saw made his skin pale and his stomach turn.

"Jim." He breathed, falling to the floor next to his partner, hands frantically running over him. Jim's whole frame was shaking, his fingers itching were they were pressed against the floor. His body was crumbled around himself, like he had literally fallen to the spot. His eyes were open but they were darting around frantically, blinking hard and fast. His breathing was sharp and hurried, it was as clear as day that he was beyond terrified. Bones wished he knew why.

"Jim, hey, it's me." He said softly, laying a hand on his lovers shoulder and kneeling down close to him. Jim screwed his eyes shut and whimpered but his hand itched close to Bones, like it was following the sound of him talking. Bones took the hand in his own, holding it tightly.

"You're okay Jim, I'm here okay, I've got you." He continued to say softly, reassuringly, nodding a silent thanks to Chapel as she handed him a tricorder. The device beeped and chimed as he ran it over Jim, glad to see that the mans brain waves had evened out slightly, though still not exactly near normal. He was running a high temperature, but for now, Bones was just glad that he was awake. It was like a weight being lifted.

"I'm going to lift you up, okay Jim?" Bones said gently, moving his arms to wrap around his lovers frame. If Jim had any objections he didn't voice them, just whimpering slightly and curling into Bones as he stood, lifting him in his arms. It was a testament to how much weight Jim had lost being stuck in bed that he was easy to move. Bones bit his lip to stop any sort of sound escaping his mouth, afraid that if he spoke now he would say something to get him taken away from the patient.

Bones placed Jim down gently on the nearest bio bed, gripping Jims hand tightly as it seemed to blindly try to grasp onto him. Jims body still shook but his eyes seemed to still, locking onto Bones and just staring. Bones chest clenched at the look of helplessness there, the emptiness, loneliness.

"Jim?" He said, barely registering as the nurse moved about reattaching wires and tubes to Jim.

"Bones." Jims voice was barely above a whisper, nothing more than a breath of air past his lips.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Jim swallowed and nodded slowly. His brain felt slow and fuzzy, like he was trying to function through the other side of glass. He could see Bones in front of him, could hear his voice but it all felt too far away. He just wanted Bones to be close, to be able to feel him. He felt detached from his body, detached from himself. His whole frame shook every time he blinked, images flickering behind his lids. He barely felt the tears falling down his cheeks.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Bones soothed, hand threading into his hair instinctively.

"I remember." Jim forced out, hand grabbing at Bones arm and pulling, fingers digging into the skin. "I remember everything."

"That's good Jim," Bones said encouragingly. As soon as the words left his mouth Jim eyes widened more, if that was even possible, and furiously shook his head, seeming unaware of the pained expression it brought to his face.

"No, no, no." Jim chanted over and over, breath catching in his throat. Jims nails dug into Bones hands as his grip tightened, briefly making Bones wonder where the sudden strength had come from.

"I don't want to remember, please, _please, _I'm not a little kid anymore, I'm not." Jim continued, eyes so insistent, so desperate as they gazed up at Bones.

"What?" Bones breathed, confusion settling in. "Jim, what do you mean you're not a kid anymore?"

Jim whimpered and shook his head.

"It's okay Jim, " Bones soothed. "It's okay, you can tell me. What does that mean?"

Jim could feel his breath getting shallower, could see the darkness creeping onto the edges of his vision and knew in the back of his mind that he had barely seconds before he lost conscious again. Bones face seemed to be drifting further and further away and he felt like screaming. Screaming for the man to stay, to _pleasegodplease_ don't leave him alone.

"What does that mean Jim? What happened on that planet?" Bones insisted somewhat desperately, the sight of his lover so broken tearing at his very soul.

"I'm not a kid anymore, " Jim repeated again, eyes fluttering weakly, "he can't touch me now, please don't let him."

Bones breath caught in his throat as Jim slipped away into unconsciousness, his last words seeming to ring through sickbay.

"_Please_, don't let Frank touch me anymore."


End file.
